The rest of my friends would be pleased to know I drank something that has more than 20% alcohol content last night courtesy of my friend Patrick who surprisingly brought vodka to a family restaurant.

The World’s Best Tasting Vodka. I should be thankful since my first taste of 40% alcohol is a French-produced premium priced vodka. >:D

I wasn’t really planning on joining the “monthly” dinner thing our MBB 240 class had but since me and my mum rarely eat dinner at home and we frequent that restaurant, it was convenient seeing them there. I was surprised they had a cake for me and two other classmates. One celebrated his late February, mine was last month, and the other was just last week.

I was the one who blew the candle. Hah!

My dad kind of forbids us to drink alcohol (even though he has more than just a bunch at home) so I told him I would only drink if they’re present. Needless to say, when I took my first drink, my mum was at the background (Haha! I transferred tables after eating with my her) not knowing what I was up to. Dizziness came quicker than I expected. But my mum’s a bit lenient when it comes to alcohol as long as I’m honest. Sometimes I can even get her to buy me a beer with her as an audience.

So yeah, this is me still growing up.

I still thank God for this feeling of elation even though what is behind it is an illusion. :D This year’s Feb Fair was lame but somehow because of everything that’s happening, it became awesome.

A decision was made and done and then undone. It was made again when there arrived a message then all else failed. The clothes were tried on several times though everything was futile. There’s a quick look in the mirror before it’s done. But just when thoughts of finishing are through, a glance back in the mirror, one last look at that stubborn hair would do.

It’s not perfect, neither less nor much. The slouch is straightened and the lips made pink just right. A hopeful step is taken to enter the steadfast, nervous with each one but eager just the same.

There was the lucky seat, right over there. Look to the left. Look to the right. Oh in the right, what a sight to see.

The two expected but one unexpected. A pang shot right through. To look, reach out, profoundly grasp so close yet so far, and then hold back.

Music soothes and love injures. But strangely, it is not as painful as it ought to be. Realization dawns that the heart is gently carried by the Lord who ever protects his own.

It’s not yet finished but two took leave. It wasn’t what was imagined but the choice what not to be chosen for the right one sat frozen thinking how stealing glances all night made the most out of the experience.

It’s always easier said than done. It’s always easier to look at things on an outsider’s point of view. You inflict pain, feel a little awkward later, then eventually get over. But when it’s the other way around, that’s when you know the blow. That’s when you can actually put yourself into the other person’s shoes. The shoes may not fit, yes, but you’re wearing it.

…professing my undying mushy feelings for him. That thought has been crossing my mind for days now. I know I won’t be able to really bring myself to do it but I kinda like feeling brave even if it’s only in my imagination (even though I am pretty certain he knows about my feelings already). I also can’t decide on which words to use if I would really be able to pluck some of that elusive noodle of courage for romantic confessions somewhere in a different parallel universe. I can’t decide which one is appropriate: LIKE or LOVE.

I tend to base what I feel from the length of time. More often than not, I would tend to believe in realizations of love through years spent consistently feeling the same thing for that person you’re L-ing (let’s call it that since I still can’t decide) compared to a revelation realized only in weeks or days. That is not to say that I am dismissing the possibility of the latter, especially in the case of the love-at-first-sight phenomenon. I would even disagree at some point to call it LOVE-at-first-sight because it’s the attraction you feel for the first time that will eventually blossom into something more profound and overwhelming.

I can pretend to know a thing or two love but in reality, I don’t. Until the other night while talking to God. He told me I forgot that thing I loved reading in His book (no, not Song of Solomon although that’s one of my favorites). He led me to 1 Corinthians 13, about what love is. Now, at least I have a little bit of hints as to what is it really though what I am uncertain now is how to evaluate this feelings.

But if ever this is true, I get to confess (or to be forced to confess), and be rejected (please no, Lord), I’d ask him one thing: let me love him at a distance just this way because I know it will pass even if it takes a long time and eventually I can let go.